Surviving Life: Do the impossible!

 I still haven't decided whether or not to complete my profile! I'm not sure if I want to do this. I am a Writer and should just concentrate on my book writing. So I guess this post is just a test to see if anyone would even be interested at all. Think I'll just blog about a few friends of mine and see what they have to say...

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"You know I'll never have another lover, when lovers and friends compare with you... And these memories lose their meaning when I think of love as something new... But of all these friends and lovers, there's no one compares with you...In my life I loved you more..." (Parts of "In My Life." By John Winston Lennon 1940-1980

(SARA P.) Not me.

So I'm writing this entry for a wonderful woman named Sara Pride whom I love like she was my own mother and she's in need of some heavy prayer. Let's everybody pray that she get healthy and strong as she's been having a tough time lately. She's so strong though. I wouldn't have even have known she was Ill if someone hadn't told me. She's a Super Trooper and I was hoping she'd see this and tell my what she thinks...make this a full time sell my wares online career change from...nothing to... entrepreneur? I hope you found this okay.

(BOB)

Was the best friend I ever had and I'm sure we'd be married with a few Rugrats running around but he was killed by a car driven by a retired doctor and killed as he walked to my apartment to talk about us getting a place together. I still cry for Bob when I think of him.

(DINA AND WANDA) My two girlfriends. Yes, girlfriends...

(CANDACE)

     I have this friend, a girl but not a girlfriend but one of my best, my BFF before there were BFFs. She was the preppy, I was a druggie ghost/skipped school chronically. We became the closest of friends when the people she thought were her friends told her they wouldn't talk to her anymore if she continued to be seen with me! What nice friends. They just told her her taste in friends was shit...she thought they were friends. They also gave her an ultimatum. If you keep doing this, we won't hang out with you. I told her it was cool (when it felt like I'd been stabbed in the heart). I told her to follow hers. She'd have to live with the decision. If she wanted friends that controlled her, or tried to; that was her choice.

     She did the hard thing, the difficult thing, the right thing.

     She told them I was still her friend and if they are going to dump her for that, have a good stuck up life! She came out to our splendid 3 room tree fort and told me she basically told them to take their ultimatum and stick it! My buddy, so freaking cool. Then she graduated, popped out a Brady Bunch of kids and made the army her career! That is one tough chic. You don't mess with that. I tried once, nearly broke my hand, still have a little mark on a knuckle from hitting a wall when she ducked. She kicked my ass. Or I surrendered and don't even remember what we we fighting about but Sam, another friend of ours was hiding in the woods watching us and laughed his ass off.

(STEVE) Jeff Spicoli in High School Mr. Joe Cool. I'd have drained him dry, as Kurt would say. I loved the shit out of him and wow, did that embarrass him. He didn't say so but that's what I figured when I finally spent one night with him and got to use him for sex and... haven't seen him since. I'm bad, bad. I know it.

(SAM)

     It's still funny because we all watched out for eachother and had each other's backs. I still talk to Sammy too. He's changed his name since and I suppose I don't blame him. I'm not sure what happened after we moved, never asked but while I was there I made sure nobody was going to bully him. Such a smart kid...a little goofy lookin but weren't we all at some point? They bullied him and I stood between them and made those entitled brand new moped riding wannabe jocks back off. The last time I saw Sam he came to visit my husband and I, (ex-husband and worst mistake of my life, leaving him) and when I opened the door after he parked his semi and saw him towering above me I remember saying, "OMG Did you eat my friend Sam? Is he in there?" God you're huge..." And talk about late bloomers... I'm sure after I moved he had no trouble at all because he was growing like Goliath, skin cleared up, got his teeth straightened and was driving 18 wheels for a living!

(MY GURU) Does not want me to use his real name so I'll use what works for him and we'll call this man "The Great Oz". This friend is still a big influence in my life.

I have a very close friend, I'd venture to say intimate friend that I want to see this and tell me if I should follow my dreams...or not. Hmmmm. I could sell my books, straight sending it out manually on gmail and make all the arrangements here. I could sell my bead necklaces right here or on squarespace, since they were nice enough to send me a little debit card reader. It looks a lot different from this...

(SATAN) I don't need to put my baby's father's name here. If you saw him you'd recognize the evil...

     All I did was run off to become a Hawaiian for 4 1/2 of the best years of my life with the most evil man, Thomas Eugene Edge, who destroyed it. They say don't blame your problems on someone else. Take responsibility. That's sort of impossible when he cheated on me, lied, did and sold drugs, and EMBEZZLED $3,000 off Armstrong Construction. Then so his family wouldn't believe me he made me out to be some kind of psycho by sending the cops to my parents apartment on a FALSE CALL. My baby's in danger! My baby's in danger! The cops said Tom said. She was asleep in her crib and I was on my air-mattress watching TV. It was such a shock, I had done nothing and they dragged me from my living room kicking and screaming. I was arrested for Resisting Arrest and Battery and Assault on an officer. Since, those charges have disappeared from my record. I don't know if that's true or not but I'm going to look into it. I'm going to ask the Judge for an interview and both of the officers and anybody else that can tell me how they let such a travesty happen right out in public they disemboweled me. Cut my guts out. STOLE my baby by setting me up. The whole thing was so awful my Dad flipped out and started abusing my Mother again and my big brother Peter told her, "You're on disability, Sara's on disability now, get your stuff and get out. Jesus, how I wish she'd listened to him. We should have packed that night because two days later she was face down dead on the floor...He just sat on the bed looking at her. I flipped out then. I called, 911. They got lost finding the apartment while I did CPR the whole time waiting but I knew...

     When they left there was no siren, no lights, and they drove away slow, all sign that there was no hurry. My dad was a brilliant forensic investigator with dementia. He would know how to make something unnatural look natural. I straight out accused him of it so I hope I wasn't wrong at the same time I hoped I was. His reply: Had her cremated quick, gave me the ashes, and he took off for Indianapolis and the rest of my family and left my without my baby, homeless, holding a box of ashes that used to be my mother...

To my daughter: Kayla Lynn Edge

Love Eternal Kayla Lynn:

I love my baby so much but she don't love me.

How in the world did this come to be? She used to be so very happy.

She barely cried as she was teething.

She'd quiet down the moment I'd pick her up and cuddle.

Is that love really gone forever?

I let you grow inside my extremely clean, sober fertile body.

I protected you and took you everywhere with me.

I kept you so clean you never had a diaper rash.

Now you tell me none of that matters,

It's all in the past now.

You wouldn't even have a past if I hadn't breastfed you and kept pumped milk with me everywhere we went.

Does that sound like someone who's even capable of neglect?

Your manipulative Grandmother wanted the cute little baby girl all to herself.

I hope she raised you like a princess as I would have.

I wanted to spoil you rotten and give you everything I never had.

I am so so sorry for not physically being there but you've been in my heart and now it's a great empty hole.

You will never ever know how badly I wanted to be there for my precious gem. Kayla Lynn or Tyrran I'll love you even after my last breath.

Honey, nothing would stop that except your bullet in my head. If after you hear everything you still want to see me die then, only then I'll stand still so you can shoot me in the eye.